My Journey To The Bar - Embracing The Journey

 

Finally, all my documents were submitted to the attorney admissions office by October 2017 after several hiccups and delays. I was notified in November that my character and fitness interview was scheduled for Wednesday January 17, 2018 and if approved by the committee, I would be sworn in on January 18!

 

It was all becoming real now, especially knowing that in a couple of months I would have finally achieved one of the goals on my dream board! I was not worried about not passing the interview as I didn’t believe they would have me, and my family fly out to New York from England if they had an issue with my application or if they didn’t think I was fit to become a lawyer!

 

At the time my application was submitted, I also started a new job as an Aviation Adjudicator. This role gave me insight into working on international law cases. I had to assess claims made against airlines and airports and write decisions and recommendations based on EU legislation and regulations as well as international treaties (when dealing with claims outside the EU). The great thing about this role was that it was remote. Although the head office was in London, we could work from home and create our own work schedule. I loved it because it meant I could volunteer and do other things outside of this and, I did not have to worry about getting up early in the morning and commuting to work! Also, we could work from anywhere in the world, and some of my colleagues did just that!

 

Things were now starting to fall into place just in time for January 2018. I did a lot of networking during this time too, attending legal networking events and talks in London and learning about the career journey of some successful lawyers, especially female and black lawyers.  Their stories were inspiring and encouraging, and I clearly saw that no one’s career path is the same. Although we can draw inspiration from others, we must also embrace our own journey and own it! Do not get anxious or even envious when you see others progressing to a certain level. What is for them is for them and what is for you will come, at the right time.

 

My Journey To The New York Bar - Job Searching

With every new achievement comes the decision of what to do next and passing the bar exams back in 2017 was no different.

Whilst I was collating all the paperwork and documents needed to submit my application for admission, I was also planning my new career and job searching like crazy.

My job search for a newly US qualified lawyer role or associate role in an American law firm started even before I passed the bar exams. I am a person of faith and live by faith so I started applying for jobs as soon as I returned to England after sitting the bar exams in February 2017 and before knowing whether I had passed the bar or not!

I wanted to move to New York so badly and had applied for a visa but was unsuccessful twice. Another option I had was to secure a job offer in New York in the hope that the firm would then sponsor me for a green card. I had received a couple of interview invites. I was interviewed via Skype but as soon as the firms discovered I didn't have a green card, they informed me that they couldn't offer me the role.

My focus then was to secure a job at an American or international law firm based in London, then after a while transfer to their US office. I had seen some job opportunities that provided the opportunity to transfer to their US office after 12 months of working with the firm. I also spoke to different people in the US who worked for a global firm in their respective countries and were later transferred to the US.

I was offered a job as a US lawyer for a business immigration law firm based in London. However, when I received the contract and saw the low hourly rate, I queried this before signing. They didn't reply to me. When I chased them up a few days later, they claimed they had now offered the job to someone else. I didn't believe that and believe that because I wasn't willing to work as a lawyer but get paid as a paralegal, they were no longer interested in me. I reasoned that if I am going to get paid as a paralegal, I might as well work as a paralegal and that's what I did.

I did freelance paralegal work assisting small companies and a nursing home with legal, regulatory and compliance matters. Within a few months I managed to secure a temporary paralegal role at a top tier global law firm and worked with them for four months. From this, I started getting job offers from legal recruitment agencies for contract attorney and contract lawyer roles working with other top tier international law firms in Birmingham and London and all the cases I've worked on have been US/UK cross border cases, mainly New York or DC state law or federal law cases.

It might have seemed crazy turning down the first job offer as a qualified lawyer, especially because at that time I had already handed in my resignation after in Local Government for four years and would now find myself unemployed. But I also knew my worth, the amount of money, time and effort I had spent on qualifying as a lawyer. There is a different level of responsibility when you 'level up' professionally and it is only fair to be paid a salary that reflects that. Had I just accepted the first job offer, I may not have encountered the opportunities that followed.

My Journey To The New York Bar - More Exams?

Once I returned back to England after sitting the Multi-state Bar Exam in New York, I had to start preparing for the New York Law Exam (NYLE) which was the New York element the multi-state bar exam. Confused?

Okay, so before, the bar exam used to cover both the multi-state federal law (which is general legal principles and law across the USA) and the New York State law (which is law just applicable to New York ). But in 2016, it changed and New York state law, is tested separately. It is an online open-book exam with 30 questions. Which meant I could do it from the comfort of my dining room kitchen!

The date of the next exam was mid March 2017. As I had just sat the two-day multi-state bar exam in February, I did not have the head space to start spending less than a month to prepare for a second exam. I was also broke by then, as I had taken a whole month off work, which was on unpaid leave and needed to return back to work to start making money. All of my money I had made up until then, had been going towards paying for the exam fees, flights to America and accommodation, as well as trying to keep up with bills at home and personal expenses. I also needed a break from studying, as it had been a tough six months of continuous studying.

I decided to sit the NYLE on 15th June 2017, which would give me enough time to prepare. I took about four to six weeks off from studying and resumed my studies and prep for the NYLE in April. I felt this was more than enough time for me. By this time, I was now working Monday to Friday, full time hours and continued to do so up until the day of the exam. I used my evenings and weekends to study and would carry my revision notes to work so I could read through them whilst on my commute.

Sometimes we are in a hurry to accomplish things and just get things over and done with, because we do not want to be left behind or miss out on opportunities that everyone else one around us seems to be getting. This can sometimes do us more harm than good. Sometimes, it is better to take our time with things, to take time out and have a break so that our body and mind can recharge. Sometimes it is better to say ‘not yet’ to certain things, instead of rushing and trying to keep up with the Jones’.

If I had applied this mentality, when I first registered to do the bar exam, I probably would have given myself more time to study for it, instead of thinking that a three and a half month online study programme was enough. I may have had a better chance of passing the exam first time, instead of failing and having to resit the exam again, seven months later, and having to spend more money on exam fees, flights, accommodation etc.

My Journey to the New York Bar - Fully focused

In the last few weeks before the bar exams, I literally said no to everything that had nothing to do with preparing me for the exams and anything that wouldn't contribute to my spiritual and general well being. I took the entire month off work (unpaid leave) and cut down on volunteering activities, TV and social media because my focus was preparing myself for the exams.

I didn't care about the fact that I would not be paid for an entire month because my vision and goal for what I wanted to achieve was bigger than those concerns. I didn't think about all the things I was turning down and not being involved in because it wasn't the time for me to be engaged in such things! It was time to put more of my time and effort into preparing for the biggest exams of my life!

I spent a lot of time studying, resting and eating well, having moments to clear my head and to think. Physical, mental, and emotional preparation is so important. Being stressed out and frustrated will not help at all.

When I sat the bar exams for the first time in 2016, I was still keeping up my daily routine and doing all the things I was doing before I started my journey to the bar, which looking back was not wise at all and was one of the reasons why I didn't pass the exams. I wasn't disciplined with my time as I should have been and I was still saying yes to things that really, I knew I shouldn't have said yes to. At times, I would use pre-planned study time to do certain things because I didn't want to say 'no' and thought I could do it all. Big mistake!

During deadlines, crucial moments in our lives, new phases and endeavours we embark on, we will have to say no to things that will not contribute to or keep us in line with what we are doing or where we are going, and that's okay. We may even upset or disappoint people because of it and that's okay too but because we can't please everyone.

My Journey to the New York Bar - Upped My Game

Now that I knew which areas of the substantive law I needed to strengthen my knowledge on, I got myself organised by creating a study plan. I really went to town with my study plan, setting out certain days of the week to study specific topics and divided each session between revising notes and doing both multiple choice questions and essay questions for each topic.

 The areas of law where I felt more confident in, I studied on the days I worked, whereas, the areas of law where I knew I needed to spend more time on, I used Thursdays and Fridays to focus on them as I was no longer working on those days.

I decided to take on board a suggestion given to me first time round which I initially dismissed. The suggestion was to wake up between an hour and a half to two hours early to studying before work. As a person who really likes her sleep, the thought of waking up at 5.30am to study before getting ready to go to work, was really difficult! I didn’t like the idea at all! I would rather sleep late and be up until 2 or 3 o' clock in the morning studying then wake up at 5.30am!!

However, when I thought about the benefits of doing this, I decided to do it. I had to be disciplined and go to sleep a little earlier than usual so that I had sufficient sleep. I mainly did this on the days that I worked in the office (which was Monday-Wednesday) because after work I knew I would only get a maximum of two to three hours of studying done, before my brain would want to retire for the night. I used the early mornings to revise notes and read through the text books and used the evenings to go through exam practice questions and review my answers (and make additional notes of the answers I got wrong so that I could revisit the topics).

This literally was my life for 10-12 weeks leading up to the exam! Study, work, church repeat.

I had already invested a lot of time and money into this and as I believed it was the path for me to take and succeed in, I had to see it through until the end and make the necessary sacrifices to achieve what I had initially set out to achieve.

My Journey to the New York Bar - My Own Cheerleader

When the bar review course started, an email was sent to all those who had enrolled on to the home program, encouraging us to set up a Facebook group and/or a WhatsApp group for us to keep in touch with one another and provide support while we were preparing to sit the exams in a few months.

It was not the first time I had chosen a home study program, but it was the first time doing one on this level, having invested a lot of time and money into it and studying the law of another country! I knew I needed extra support and I was happy this was being offered. It was great to know there were others I could reach out too when I needed help with my studies and to just talk about what we were doing...and I did. The group was so diverse with candidates from different parts of the world...the UK, Poland, South Africa, Dubai, Belgium, Bahrain, Lebanon, Mozambique (that's all I can remember).

I joined the gym on Good Friday too. I remember watching one of the introduction videos for the course and one of the speakers mentioned that we should have enough time to rest; make sure we ate well and exercised regularly to help us prepare for the exam.  During my time studying for the exams, the gym was my 'go-to place' to escape when I had done hours of revision and needed to give my mind a rest and unwind. When I was feeling frustrated that I was not understanding what I was reading. I went 3-4 times a week and it was refreshing. Also, I had stopped all extra curriculum activities and things I used to do to keep busy; to invest more in my studies. So, going to the gym was one of the only few things I was doing, a part from working, studying and going to church!

Although I had a new virtual support network through the WhatsApp and Facebook group, it was just that...virtual. Physically speaking, I did not have a study partner or anybody around me to share my journey with,  have lengthy conversations about what I was learning, struggling with etc, because it seemed like they would not understand. But that was the beauty of it all. It was MY journey! It was not meant to be lived or shared with or for anybody else. It is something I had to do for me and grow personally and professionally through it!

So, I became my own best friend! My own cheerleader and motivator on the days when I did not feel like revising, or when I did not get the results I expected! I invested more in my relationship with myself and with God through this!

My Journey to the New York Bar - Confronted by a stranger

At the beginning of January 2016, I took the day off work and went to London to attend an open day held by BarBri International. Although I had already decided to enroll onto BarBri's U.S bar review course starting in March that year, I wanted to meet some of the course tutors, mentors and other students to get more of an insight into what I had chosen to do.

The open day was very informative and I left knowing that this was exactly what I wanted to do. As I had a bit of time to spare before traveling back to Nottingham, I decided to sit in Cafe Nero and treat myself to a hot chocolate and some cake. Needless to say, in the end I did not get the chance to enjoy the hot chocolate because an inconsiderate stranger intruded on my quiet time!

As I started sipping into the hot chocolate and began reading the literature given to me at the open day, a gentleman sat next to me noticed it and asked me about it. He mentioned that he was a qualified lawyer in England and without using any functioning brain cells linked to awareness, intelligence, empathy and consideration (or maybe not), he said to me "but you have a stammer, why would you want to sit the New York Bar, it's tough." (I guessed he picked up on the stammer during the conversation).

My eyebrows rose up so high and I had to think twice about the ignorant comments I had just heard! I was in disbelief! He kept commenting (as if he was on repeat mode) how someone "like me" should focus more on jobs where I would be more comfortable and where I would not need to speak much because doing the bar exam was overly ambitious and setting myself up for difficulties.

I don't know why I allowed him to keep talking, but when I had heard enough, I abruptly told him to stop talking because I didn't want to hear anymore of his negative comments. When he tried to explain his points of view further by telling me he was only thinking about me (haha yeah right!), I cut him off! I knew exactly what was behind all of this and I was not going to let the negative words infiltrate inside of me to make me question or doubt what I had decided to pursue!

I reminded him that he should be careful about making such comments and not to judge my intellectual and academic ability because of the way I speak. There are lawyers at partner level in law firms who are deaf, some deaf and mute, others who are blind and communicate through an assistant, but their disabilities do not impede from doing their job.

My quest to keep this as private as possible to avoid such situations, still did not impede it from taking place and this is how things are in life. No matter what we do or do not do, they will always be someone who will have something to say. But when we know who we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it, other peoples' comments will not deter us from our goal; in fact it will add more fuel to the fire that is already burning inside of us to keep going, keep pursing, to show to others it can be done! And that is what I did!

I was tired of being put into a box and shoved in the corner. At 27 years old, I decided enough was enough. I should be allowed to pursue what I have faith to pursue, even if I did not meet the status quo. That's what faith is for....to move mountains, jump over hurdles, and break down barriers!

I found the picture I took on the day, of the hot chocolate I did't get to enjoy lol

My Journey to the New York Bar - Redeeming The Time

Redeeming the time for me at that moment was to go to New York and do a legal internship.

Several years before, which was during my second year at university, I chose to study a  module called The Justice Process. It was focused on studying both the criminal justice system and the civil justice process in North America. We had an option to do an eight to ten week  internship in a law firm in the U.S or to write an essay about a particular topic. I chose to do an internship in New York and secured one at a Brooklyn law firm that practiced criminal and personal injury law.

From what I recall, everybody else on the course chose the southern  states like Indiana, Mississippi and Texas but I chose New York. It just appealed to me more and I remember my professor telling me that I had to find my own placement because they did not have connections with places in New York. I contacted a lot of different law offices and firms in New York to secure a placement myself.


I was preparing myself for this once in a lifetime opportunity, however about 5 weeks before I was due to go, I cancelled the whole thing. It was a personal decision I made due to a particular situation I was facing at the time. No one around me understood, especially my dad who insisted I went, "even if he had to drag me on the plane", but I was adamant I was no longer going. It was not an easy decision to make and I had to contact the law office to inform them, as well as other people who were going to assist me during my stay there.

Fast forward to that Saturday morning in September 2014 while cleaning the house,  when it came to my mind that the time had come for me to redeem the opportunity I 'gave away'. Two months later,  I went to visit relatives in Maryland for Thanksgiving and spent a few days in New York to get a "feel of the place."

Before the trip I was just thinking about  doing an internship to finally do what I always wanted to do and cross it off the 'bucket list', but God had now opened my vision to  actually qualify as a U.S lawyer and practice law internationally. I went to the United States with a purpose, and everything I did from that moment on, I did to work towards the dream that had now awakened within me.

I went back to New York at the end of May 2015 for three months and did an internship and also pro bono work, providing legal advice and assistance to low income families and residents of New York City.  During that year, the New York Bar Association had implemented a new requirement that applicants had  to fulfil 50 hours of pro bono work as part of their application for admission as an attorney.  I found out that I could use the pro bono work I was doing, as part of the 50 hours requirement for my application. Without even knowing, I was doing certain things to assist me on my journey to the New York Bar.

My Journey to the New York Bar - That pivotal moment

I'm going to take you back to 2014 which was the pivotal moment where my vision opened and my career started to steer in another direction.

During that year I was very dissatisfied with my career. I had already recovered from certain personal issues I had experienced, finally got a decent paying full time job and had a regular steady income to pay my rent, bills and daily expenses and even travel. But I felt restricted. I was dissatisfied because I knew there was more to me and for me than this. I'm not knocking the job or company I was working for at the time, but I reasoned with myself that I didn't go to university, study law and even train as a paralegal just to do admin work.

Although I was paralegaling on the side, it still wasn't enough for me. But I didn't know what to do or where to go. I knew that I didn't want to go back to law school and resume the Legal Practice Course (LPC), which is the course you take before becoming a trainee solicitor in England and Wales, because the course fees were so expensive, around £10,000. I previously had to leave the LPC  half way through due to experiencing homelessness and I was not in a good way emotionally. I was 'ready' to go back and finish what I started, but at the same it was not what I wanted anymore. I was also finding it hard to get a full time job as a paralegal because whenever I had interviews I would be questioned about having a stammer and they (not me) saw it as an impediment for me to work directly with clients; even though I had previously worked in a call centre and as an advisor, and had no issues with that.

So I started paralegaling independently. I found my own clients which were charities, organisations, businesses and individuals. Still it wasn't enough for me. I remember during that year I did a lot of "soul searching". I spent a lot of time alone, figuring out who I was, what I liked, what I was good at and what I wanted.

I would spend time alone at the park, go for walks (this is where my love for nature was awakened), spend time researching online. I was really seeking what to do to. I had a mentor at the time and she is the one who helped me to develop my relationship with God and be defined in my faith because both would be crucial in establishing true happiness, being stable emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially and in all aspects of my life really.

It was June 2014 and I had reached a point where I was ready for a change. I didn't know what exactly but I wanted a change. I remember speaking to God saying that I wanted Him to do something new in me and in my life. I wanted new things. I wasn't specific because I didn't know what to ask for but it's like I just gave everything to Him, in words and in deeds. I was always seeking what to do and one morning while I was cleaning a house (I used to do house cleaning at the weekends to make extra money), I heard the words "redeem the time because the days are evil", while listening to an audio message, which caught my attention. I even remember the room and what part I was cleaning, until this day lol.

After listening to the message I started thinking about what this meant for me and how I could do this.... It was then that an opportunity I had been given but gave up during my second year at university, came to mind....It was now time for me to redeem the time and go back and do that very thing...

Sibs Speech - The Most Challenging Letters of the Alphabet

There are certain letters of the alphabet that are a real challenge for me and which I struggle to pronounce which I share in this video. I also share  self help techniques and methods that help me to release the word and to flow better.

 

Sibs Speech - Introduction to Living with a Speech Impediment Series

Hello! I'm excited to introduce a new series i'm starting which is all about life as a stammerer.

I have a speech impediment, stammer, stutter, whatever you want to call it and before it was something I was really embarrassed about and hid behind it. I would avoid speaking as much as possible because I was afraid that people would laugh at me and not understand me. I had many insecurities.

 Today, I have found freedom from all the complexes and insecurities that once paralyzed me internally and my outlook on life and on my stammer has completely changed. I still stammer, sometimes really badly but it doesn't stop me from doing what I want to do.

Waking Up Early - Running the Day

One of the things I have been doing differently since the New Year started is waking up early. I aim to wake up between 4am and 5am during the week and at the weekends between 5.30 or 6.30am.

Lately, I have been studying the good habits and traits of successful people and one of the essential habits they have is waking up early before sunrise. While the rest of the world is asleep, some of the world’s richest and most successful CEO’s and influential people are waking up between 3am and 5am to start their working day.

At first it was drag. It was so difficult. In December, I tried it a few times but I was not consistent. However, as I have goals that I want to achieve, dreams I want to realize, projects and ideas I want to develop, as well as working in an office for my employer for the first 3 days of the week, studying in between those days (usually before and after work) and studying  8-10 hours a day on Thursday Friday and Saturdays in preparation for upcoming exams,  I am trying to fit everything in without compromising my studies (which is the most important right now).  In fact, there are some things I have to postpone for now until my exams are over! But I’ve still got to have an income right? I’ve still got bills and living expenses to pay. So rather than being so overwhelmed with everything and complaining that there is not enough time, I decided to wake up early.

My working pattern is quite flexible and I can start work in the office anytime between 8.30am and 10am. At the moment I prefer to start work at either 9am or 10am. On the days I am in the office, I tend to wake up at 4am; spend 30 minutes on Bible mediation and prayer, then check emails, do follow ups for my business and other related tasks for an hour and a half. I then spend between an hour and half to two hours studying before getting ready and setting off for work. After work I spend the majority of my time studying in between preparing my dinner and before I go to sleep.  

When I am not at work,  on Thursdays to Saturdays,  I use that time to do more work on my business and projects, catch-up with people and spend between 8-10 hours studying during the day. On Sundays I do around 4 hours studying in the afternoon after church, catch up with my family and sleep really early. Last Sunday I was in bed by 7pm LOL. I was super tired!

This is just an insight into how I have adopted the habit of waking up early to have a productive day. Its early days yet as I have only been doing this since the beginning of the year but it’s been beneficial so far.

I have learned I cannot complain there is not enough time to get things done. The problem is more about being wise with our time, managing it and making necessary sacrifices to get the work done.

Style Speaks

I came across this quote a year ago and I totally agree with it. The way we dress shows our personality. We can attract people to give us attention or take us seriously (in a professional setting for example) just by our appearance.

That's why it's important to invest in this part of who we are. I'm always looking for ways to update my look. As I develop and grow as a person, so does the way I dress. For example, when I was very insecure and didn't care about myself, it showed in the way I took care of myself. But when I started to love myself and gain confidence, I started to invest in my appearance and started to become hold and creative in my style.

I like searching on Pinterest, fashion blogs and websites to get ideas. I know not everything I see is for me due to my body shape, skin tone, age, height etc.., but from looking around and trying different things, I get to see what suits me and what doesn't.

At the moment I'm following Pop Sugar's style hacking challenge and it's been very interesting. I've tried new styles and I've definitely become more creative. Each night I can spend 30-45 minutes just trying different outfits and figuring out what I'm going to wear the next day.

However, more than making an effort with my appearance and wanting to look pretty, is making sure I put double the effort into developing my inner self. Working on ensuring I'm just as 'pretty'  inside than outside. That my heart is not habouring a resentment or grudge towards anyone. Double checking I'm not putting myself down and allowing doubts, fears and complexes that try to creep to influence me in a negative way. Nor becoming proud, thinking that I am better than others or doing things to show off and do people.

 We can we wear the most stunning outfit and look our utmost best but if we have these things lingering within us and they manifest through out facial expressions, the words that come out of our mouth, our attitudes or actions, all that outward beauty will not compensate for the ugly traits inside.

That's why working on our inner beauty is paramount, in fact I believe it deserves more care and attention than the outer beauty because as we start to invest in becoming beautiful inside, it naturally shines through and is evident outside, through the way we smile, look and treat people.

My reflection of 2016

As we are drawing towards the end of 2016, it’s a time many (including myself) use to reflect on the year. I participated in a meeting last week were we were asked, "has 2016 been an excellent year for you? How are you ending this year?"

Automatically my thoughts went to all the things I did not achieve; like not passing one of the required exams needed to qualify as a US attorney; the multistate bar exam. However, God shifted my mind to think about the way I reacted when I received my results. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, dwelling in self-pity, crying, being overly upset etc, I reacted positively. 

Of course I was disappointed at first because I spent a lot of money, time and effort into the course and travelling to the States from the UK to sit the two-day exam, but I looked at it as a learning curve, an opportunity to see where I went wrong and work on developing my exam preparation strategies and applying myself even more so I can pass next time.

It was my first attempt, having only 5 months to prepare for the exam in the UK, learning the law of a foreign country that is different to mine and still working full time for most of the time leading up to the exam. The score I got was not far from passing, so I just needed that extra bit.

Before I received my results, I was actually afraid to fail this exam.  I was so anxious and constantly praying that I wouldn't fail because I did not know how I would react. I don’t usually fail when it comes to exams, in fact I only recall failing one exam at university. But a week before the results came out, I let it go. I let the fear and anxiety go and decided I would deal positively with the result no matter what it was. Failure does not mean I AM a failure, but that I just have to do better and work harder.

This year I saw that I matured as a person. I matured in the face of adversity, when dealing with bad news, not always getting what I want, how I want and in other things which made this year an excellent one for me. I say this because the way we respond to things and decide to look at them, impacts on our future and how things will eventually turn out. I became more determined, not giving up at the first hurdle or obstacle and finally after so long, I found myself, through investing more in me and loving who I am becoming.

So no, I did not achieve all the goals that I set out to achieve but the change inside of me, the changed mind-set and the way I do things, made it a great year for me. The lessons learned, the experiences I faced and overcame has shaped me into a better person and I look forward to what 2017 brings because 2016 was like training ground.

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

P.S, I received my exam results today for one of required exams I needed to qualify as a US attorney and I passed. I was so happy and it’s like that added motivation and confidence to go into 2017 and smash the multistate bar exam!

Making time for ourselves

In order to invest in ourselves, we have to make time for US! Proper time to get to know ourselves. Today I did just that.

I made time to write 27 qualities, yes 27 qualities, that I possess. It's something I did a few years ago, which was actually an initiative given to us in the Godllywood, which is a group at my church which works exclusively with women.

I was getting ready this morning and it came to my mind to do it again, so on my commute to work l, started my list.

 At the beginning, I found it quite hard (ironic how we can quickly find faults but not good points), but after number 8, qualities were popping up like popcorn lol.

By knowing my qualities, I know myself and can work on developing them to become better.

I decided to take time out at lunchtime and have a good walk along the canal to reflect on my qualities and think of ways to develop them further.

Rather than just always looking at other people or looking at ourselves through their eyes, dwelling on our flaws, what we don't have or who we haven't yet become,  we should focus on and nurture the good qualities we  already have, which will inevitably  help us to grow and eventually we'll acquire more qualities and become the person we've always wanted to be.

 

Investing in ourselves

Yesterday while I was doing some housework and listening to an audio message I started thinking about how essential self-investment really is.

Ladies (and gents) it's time we invested more in ourselves. 

Many times we invest more in things or for others to like and appreciate us without realizing that when we invest in ourselves, we don't even need to chase these things, they'll naturally happen. The confidence, audacity, development and growth in us will attract people and opportunities to our lives.

On this journey to investing more in myself, I'll be sharing with you certain things I have been doing to better myself and develop as a person. 

Embracing my hair

So, Sunday night I washed and conditioned my hair with the plan of straightening it in the morning. Morning came and I looked in the mirror and decided that I would leave it out natural. I combed it out into a little afro (or at least tried to lol) and didn't think anything of it. In fact I thought it looked cute. However, the moment I set off on my journey to work, I started a feel a little vulnerable and insecure.

I don't even know where it came from but all of a sudden when I caught the bus and saw people looking at me, thoughts like how ridiculous I looked; I shouldn't be sporting my afro hair like this because it's ugly; it's not 'normal'; it's not nice and sleek like when it's straight and so many other thoughts bombarded my mind. However, not one to feel sorry for myself (finally overcame this annoying trait haha), I became ruthless towards the thoughts and eliminated them quickly.

I liked the way my hair looked. I did not see a problem with it (and neither did my mom because if she did she would have told me straight away - momma doesn't sugar coat things lol). Yes it may not be everyone's cup of tea but I don't care. I was not about to go back home and straighten my hair so I didn't look the odd one out and neither was I about to walk around feeling insecure all day.

Constantly straightening my hair only damages it because of the heat. So I want to keep it out natural (ish) for a least two days in the week before I straighten it. The less I strengthen it, the better.

  This experience actually inspired me to have my hair out natural more often. Kind of like a statement of embracing my afro hair and not being ashamed of it. Letting young girls know that they don't have to have long straight hair to be beautiful and cute.

  I wash and treat my hair on Sunday evenings and until I put them back in braids, which will be soon (the weather is getting colder so it needs protecting) , I'll be leaving it out and doing different styles at least twice a week (I'll try and stretch to thrice.

As strange as it may sound it's quite liberating.

Back after a rejuvenating detox

So, I’m back on social media after a 3 week break away from all forms of social media and secular entertainment such as music and TV. I like to call it a spiritual detox! It was much needed and an awesome time to reflect and work on my relationship with myself, with God and with others. Without realizing, we can be so caught up with what’s going on in the world of entertainment, spending our free time or passing time on social media and neglect time for ourselves, our family and most importantly with God. Just because we are physically among people, doesn’t mean we are actually paying attention to them. Our bodies can be present and our minds elsewhere!

A lot of thoughts, attitudes and ideals are influenced by external factors and sometimes we can get lost and lose our own identity and start adopting attitudes or thoughts that don't originate from us. When I abstain from certain things for a while, I have a chance to  see just how my thinking has been, what has been influencing me, both positively and negatively as well upgrading myself to another level spiritually speaking by eradicating what is not good and filling myself with what is good for me.

The funny thing is despite not watching TV, listening to secular music or accessing my social networking sites, I was not bored, not even for a day! Life was still active but I didn’t miss those things. I spent a lot of time thinking, analysing recent events both good and bad, things I have achieved so far this year and things that I haven’t yet achieved and sought why I hadn’t’ achieved them as well as looking for new ways of doing things so I can achieve them before the end of the  year.

I caught up with a lot of work and had lots of me time around nature and at home. I slept early most nights, because I wasn’t up until late watching my favourite TV programs or catching up with news feeds on Facebook and Instagram!


I have a new mind-set, renewed spirit and looking forward to experiencing different things before the end of this year!

My American Adventure: Dealing with unfriendliness

This was supposed to be a video post but I haven't had chance to sit down and record it. I am very busy this week, leaving early in the morning and arriving back at night, so I am writing this for you all instead. I hope I can express myself as well as I'd like to. 

I am a friendly person. I like to talk to people, get to know and learn from them. My city and where I work is quite friendly, with  exceptions of course! It's not difficult for me to make new friends  and interact with people because I am an open and approachable person person.

The first two weeks here in New York weren't easy because I noticed that in certain areas that I was sent to work and some of the people I met were not friendly at all. It's one thing if it's a cashier at the shop or a passer by on the street who ignores you when you ask for directions, because the likely hood of you seeing them again is minimal, but when it's someone you're expected to work with or you see day in, day out, it's very uncomfortable and even hurtful.

 I didn't understand it until two friends of mine helped me to see that unfortunately there are people who just don't see us worth getting to know. They do not notice us, we are insignificant to them and therefore they don't make any effort to talk to or befriend us, no matter how much we try. Some people are set in their ways and happy with the circle of friends they are used to.

However, this should not stop us from being ourselves and continue to be friendly and kind to others, regardless of how they respond to us. Later on, the same people that rejected our friendliness may need it (and they will remember us). Better still, we will find people out there who will appreciate us for who we are, people who will embrace our friendliness and accept a friendship with us. They may even turn out to be the best friends we ever had.

This experience helped to thicken my skin with situations like this. I have never been exposed to so much coldness, rudeness and indifference as I have since being here, but I am thankful for the experience because I would have never realized it was something that I had to deal with. I value myself much more, the unique qualities I have been gifted with and I now have this mindset of giving without expecting anything in return.

 Kindness is like a boomerang. When you give it, it will come back to you. Maybe not in the same way or by the same people who we showed kindness to, but it will come back to  us.

My American Adventure: Intro

Hello everyone!

I am writing this from the other side of the Atlantic. Yesterday, I started my American adventure here in New York.

I'll be here during the summer and I've decided to post my experiences, a few times a week on this blog.

I am looking forward to the experiences that are yet to come.

I've only been here for one day but I already love it. The people that I have met so far have been so friendly. The weather is nice at the moment and the shops are so cool.

New York is very diverse in culture and I love that.

Something that has stood out for me so far is the opportunities people are taking advantage of to better their situation and develop personally. I met a young lady who is also from England when we were leaving the airport and she is here for 5 months to work. She managed to get a job in a hotel and they are paying for her accommodation and food! Cool right?


All the people I have met and talked to so far are bi-lingual and speak at least 3 languages, fluently. Such skills make you employable, a real asset where you work and creates doors of opportunities.

I am learning Spanish at the moment so I can interact more with people. I will be in contact with a lot of Hispanics when I start the legal community work in New York City so it's good to learn. Even though I will have an interpreter, I want to communicate directly with people when necessary.