When it finally sunk in that I had not passed the most rigorous, intense and stressful exam ever, I thought to myself, I have two options; feel sorry for myself and give up or analyse where I went wrong and start preparing to resit the exam in February 2017. I chose the latter, bearing in mind I was due to fly to New York in just under 4 days time to sit the MPRE so not pursuing things further would really be a waste of my time and money.
I had the task of telling my parents, siblings and a few other people that I had not passed the bar exam. They had been waiting for my exam results too so I thought it was only right to let them know. My brother was surprised that I didn't pass and so was my mum. A friend of mine (though I know it was with good intention) commented that I should see if this is what God wants me to do. I knew deep down this was what I was meant to do and just because I did not pass first time, did not mean it was not for me.
In life, we don't receive everything in the way we expect. There are things we will fail at multiple times until we reach where we want to be but through the process, we are forming resilience and maturing. Our character is being shaped and we are learning something (that's if we allow the experience to teach us).
Sometimes we are not ready to receive what we want but through the process of waiting and working towards it, we are becoming the person we need to be. And when I look back, I see that's why I didn't pass.
No way would I have been ready to achieve that level of success if I had passed first time. I probably would have become big headed boasting that I passed the New York Bar exam first time while living and working in the UK and only having 4 months to prepare for it.
Although I was only 25 marks short of what I needed to pass the exams, I saw that my work and study ethic was quite lazy to be honest. I didn't take in all the tips and advice that were given to me throughout the course and leading up to the exam. Though I did make sacrifices, looking back there were things I didn't do because either I couldn't be bothered to do them or because it was too uncomfortable for me, such as waking up early in the morning to study before going to work and opting only to study in the evenings and weekends.
There are different reasons why other people didn't pass but for me, I saw the reasons mentioned above were why I didn't pass. I only realised this when I did some soul searching, a self analysis and reflection of my journey so far.
I knew that in order for me to be fully prepared to sit the exam again, I would need to up my game. I would need to have a completely different mindset, basically be the version of myself that I needed to be, to become a lawyer and not just a person with the potential to become a lawyer.
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